I was speaking with a friend last week who is a father. Among a wealth of quandaries philosophical, we got to talking about the "right" way to be a parent.

We differed in our estimation of this question.*

*A note before getting to the question: I would argue that there is no universally "right" answer to this question, rather that whatever is "right" for the person answering it is what ends up being unequivocally right -- for that person. (Though now that I've told you that, you may well predict outright which answer was mine and which was my friend's.)

Which is a better way to provide for your child as a parent?

1. To work as much as possible in order to acquire as many resources as possible so that your kids may have more resources with which to interact with the world. Even if it means suffering things that don't make you happy, like working a job that you don't enjoy but pays. In short - to prioritize resource acquisition over joy, happiness, emotional fulfillment, and perhaps time spent with children growing up.

2. To mind your own happiness, joy, and fulfillment, elevating these things so that your children have a steady, positive emotional pillar upon which they can themselves grow emotionally, spiritually, etc. Even if it means you aren't acquiring as much money or other resources that could be helpful to you in the present and your children in the future. In short - to prioritize a family community, positive emotional development, and time spent together over the more quantifiable acquisition of goods

To wildly oversimplify:

There are PROs and CONs for each.

#1 will provide your children more material abundance. More money results in a wider set of opportunities for them to engage in life, do more things, different things, and turn their dreams into tangible reality. Your child may internalize a worldview that whatever they dream, no matter how "crazy" it sounds, they can make real. You have the resources to do it. This may be incredibly empowering and inspiring for them.

#1 however will also mean you're not there with them in person as much, bonding and being a friend for them, being an emotional constant for them, developing your relationship in those "in between" moments, those nothing moments.

#2 will provide your children with more time with you as a parent. It will allow for more direct teaching opportunities, more shared experiences during which to bond and experience each other, a convivial atmosphere, perhaps a closer, more intimate and frequent channel of communication. Your child may internalize a worldview that they and others are supremely worthy of love, that they and others are worthy of respect and dignity by virtue simply of being, and that the world is a warm, loving place. This may be incredibly grounding, steadying and edifying for them.

#2 however will also mean that you aren't giving them as many resources with which to turn their dreams into reality. You are in that sense limiting their "ceiling," or the things they could potentially accomplish. Of course, this may be offset by the level of agency and self-sufficiency they have (hypothetically) established which may end up nudging them farther forward than if they had parent #1. With so many hypotheticals, this could be debated until there are no more humans to debate it, and only instantaneous computer simulations to run indefinitely in an attempt to reach an objective conclusion.

My quick answer is to go with #2, because when you look at the regrets of the dying, it's always those "in-between," "nothing" moments, like playing catch in the backyard, -- those are the things that the dying most regret not having enough of. Conversely, they also regret spending too much time in the office, working, doing things they didn't totally want to do.

Maybe though, the right answer is to cater your approach to your child? I can see certain types of children excelling under parent #1 and being ill-suited to develop properly under parent #2. And equally vice-versa. Maybe the answer is not to only "give them sunshine, water, and oxygen but don't try to influence them a certain way" -- maybe the answer is to register what kind of plant they are as best you can, and give them the treatment you believe is best for them, taking into account your estimation of their specific plant species?

...or have I just arrived back at square one?

Parenting is going to be fun.